Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
