Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am spending my child support on dildos
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sext me about skeletons
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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