the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
