also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize