YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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