I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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