I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
