i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
