Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
