There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
