This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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