the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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