I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have aggressive nipples.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
