His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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