Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
