So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
