I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize