i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize