I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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