you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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