sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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