I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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