he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
