There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
