East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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