guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
