So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
