One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
