I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
