I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
third nipple confirmed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
