I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
