Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
