You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
