So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
