Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
