i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
