His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize