it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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