Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
