I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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