it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
