I showed him my bush... on skype.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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