dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
