In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
