i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
