She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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