His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
