Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize