I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
