Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize