i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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