so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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