i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
