my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
