She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
