I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
