what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize