Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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