and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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