Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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