Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
