i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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