I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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