she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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