i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
