Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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