Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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