Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
zippers are such a cool invention
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dear god my vagina.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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