when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize